I am a supermodel.

My niece recently got married at Marina Del Rey, which has breathtaking views of the Long Island Sound. It presented the perfect opportunity to showcase my new stunning Teri Jon lace dress and some mini wedding style. Glammed it up with my new Jimmy Choo glitter pumps and Edie Parker clutch - both 90% off NYC sample sale scores :) I have to confess I hesitated a little before posting these photos. I've been struggling with body image for most of my adult life, so today I'm sharing some tips and tricks of how I deal when I don't feel right in my own skin - and how you too can stay positive and live your best life.

I knew these shoes were a half size big when I got them but I neeeeeded them. I should probably pad them next time I wear them because my feet keep slipping forward. I know I always tell people not to buy shoes that don't fit or aren't comfortable but sometimes you have to make an exception. And they were cheap and pretty comfortable otherwise.

My dress came with a nude slip but I knew I'd look slimmer in a black slip so I hunted down the perfect knee length one from Victoria's Secret of all places. Yes, I paid retail (gasp!) but it was worth every penny. For reference, I'm wearing a size medium. It's bias cut and so flattering. You need at least one of these slips in your life!

From head to toe:

• Earrings: AV Max, sample sale, $4 
• Dress: Teri Jon C/O (RV $680) - I'm wearing a size 8
• Slip: Victoria's Secret, $50 (I used a gift card that I won so it was $0 OOP)
• Bag: Edie Parker, sample sale $180 (RV $1,800)
• Shoes: Jimmy Choo, sample sale, $100 (RV $895 - OK so almost 90%)

Recently when I shared the first pic, someone commented on my Insta that they didn't care for my beachy cover-ups, and missed my more tailored looks. Me too. I probably deleted 1,000 pictures before I settled on these full-body ones. Thing is, it's really hard for me to share these pictures because in this spectacular dress (did you see the details??!!) I can't hide the weight I've gained over the past year and a half. If I throw on a loose caftan and heels I feel comfortable, and fashionably camouflaged. I've been trying to mix it up so I'm not so one-note but I have limitations. Just because everyone has the right to wear whatever they want, doesn't always mean they should. I personally try to choose options that flatter. And fitted isn't all that flattering right now on me. I have to confess that I'm almost a little surprised nobody said anything sooner. I'm sure most people noticed I put on some weight, but I don't think most of you realized just how much.

While I'm all for body positivity, I have to be honest and say I do struggle. I think most women do. I am an emotional eater. I stress eat. Sometimes I don't even enjoy what I'm eating, I just eat it anyway. And I eat A LOT. It's actually shocking I'm not 500 lbs. considering the amount of calories I've been putting away these days. I first shared my struggle on a blog post almost two years ago. Thing is, I look at those pictures and wish I looked like that again - and at the time I felt big. For that reason I try to stay positive now. I know I can't blame anyone else - I have to be accountable for my choices. I just take it day by day.

Instead of just sitting around and complaining I decided to do something about it. Again. I recently collaborated with Orange Theory Fitness on Insta and they generously uploaded 30 workouts to my account. And even better, there is a Trader Joe's right next to the location I've been hitting. I can stock up on inexpensive healthy options so I'm not tempted by the junk my husband likes to buy "for the kids." If you haven't tried a Orange Theory workout, they offer 60 minute classes that really push you. They mix it up with interval training - with treadmills, rowers, and floor exercises. And it's different every day. In some ways it's better than the 30 minute Beachbody workouts I do at home because my competitiveness kicks in when I work out with other people. Click here to sign up for a free class - they have locations all over the US and Canada. I've been going 1x week but I think I'm almost ready to step it up 2x week. The first couple times I almost passed out. I think my body went into shock LOL. But every second on that treadmill I think about every Fashion Week look I wanted to wear but couldn't fit - and I keep pushing.

I've long accepted I will never again look as I did 20 years ago. It's just not possible. I don't have to be a 2 again or any specific size or shape for that matter. It's not about the number. It's about feeling good in my skin. I often wonder if I'll ever get there, but I'm gonna keep trying. Until then I'm gonna keep putting on my caftans, tunics and shirt dresses. SORRY NOT SORRY.


If you are struggling too, here are a few quick tips to help you get through the day:


Don't hide. Work with what you've got.

You can be ANY size and look good if you know your body. I used to be more pear shaped so I wore lots of A-line skirts and dresses. Now I'm pretty curvy all over so it's all about balance and proportion. I prefer looser designs that still show I have a shape underneath. Ergo, my summer of caftans. If I wore boxy tunic I'd look like a giant square - and I'd look even bigger. I'm finding knee-length, narrower, rectangular silhouettes work best for me right now. It's all about visually creating as many vertical lines as you can. If you haven't developed an instinct for what will work on you, just look for other style icons with your shape - and steal their style.

Show your skinny.

I like an open neck to show my collarbone (sorry Ma, I know it's not modest...) and I show lots of my skinny arms and legs. A heel or pointed toe will elongate your legs. If you got something good (and everybody has something) then flaunt it!

Find clothing.

There is no such thing as having nothing to wear. Sorry, it's 2017 and you can shop on your phone in your bed at night. H&M, Zara and ASOS all have inexpensive options that look designer. If you hit Target for cereal, just grab a dress or two. Return if it doesn't fit. Repeat as needed. You just need a few versatile go-to options in your size that you can accessorize up or down.

Try to forgive yourself.

That's the great thing about life - even if you mess up or have a bad day, you can just start again tomorrow.

Pretend you are a supermodel.

Some days I'll put on something cute, not look in the mirror, and pretend I'm a supermodel. A little confidence goes a long way. If you believe it, everyone else will too. I've been doing this one for over 20 years now. Fake it till you make it, baby!


And now on to my beautiful minis...

It started with a Nordstrom Rack run during Clear the Rack. Picked up Akiva's shirt and mustache bow tie for $20 and Ella's floral Zunie dress for $11. I tried to track down another dress for Ava but it was sold out company wide. She settled on this thrifted Zoe LTD dress ($15) which she fell in love with. It was a religious/modest affair so they both had to add sleeves with pieces from their closet. And they are both wearing shoes gifted from Nina Kids. Akiva decided last minute he wanted a suit so I paid full price in Zara ($100), but he never asks for anything so how could I say no? Akiva once again took my pictures and selflessly gave up a half hour of buffet time. Trust me, that's a big deal for him. I really have the best kids.

It was actually really bright out so it was hard to find pics where they weren't squinting badly. They complained a bunch but at this point they know how to power through like pros.

It was really the most beautiful affair. They held the ceremony outdoors during sunset at under the Gazebo - which was pretty similar to my wedding a million years ago. The difference is that mine was late October and people still complain about how chilly it was. Seriously.

And now for my weekly sample sale update. Lots going on, but nothing you really need to hit. Between Fashion Week and the Jewish Holidays I've been pretty busy anyway. Save your $$$ for the good ones that should be coming up this Fall :)

With the passing of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, I'd like to wish all of you a happy, sweet new year. May we all find the peace we seek, and may this year hold lots of exciting adventures (and crazy sales) in store for us!

If anything I've shared today struck a cord with you, please feel free to comment below. Just know you are not alone :)

XO
Michelle

PS - If you haven't already entered my Kidpik Instagram giveaway, you have till October 2nd to win a Kidpik subscription box for your little princess! You can read more about Kidpik boxes here and Kidpik basics here.

90% off Valentines Day Cuteness and Why I Almost Didn't Share This Look.

As a nice Jewish girl I don't really celebrate Valentines day but with everyone else starting to share their looks I found these pics and thought, how perfect? Plus I just spotted this dress on Eileen Davidson's niece/assistant on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

I love the bold pop of color on my lips and bag against the black and white houndstooth. And who needs an excuse to wear a killer pair of Sophia Websters? So obsessed. These photos were taken by my talented niece, Meira.

My bargainista look from head to toe:

• Dress: Saks off 5th Black Label, pink dot sale, $14.99 (approx. retail $158)
• Bag: Charlotte Olympia Taboo, sample sale, $115 (retail $545)
• Bracelet: Dannijo Valentina, sample sale, $50 (retail $595)
• Heels: Sophia Webster Keira Doiley sandals, sample sale, $95 (retail $750)

Grand total $249.99 - not bad for a $2,048 look. OK so it's almost 90% off.

Unfortunately, most of these pieces are no longer available so I'm linking a few similar Valentines Day inspired pieces for you to shop - or just get some style inspo :)

When I was looking through my photos to see what I would be including in my next blog sale, I came across these photos that I shot a couple months ago. I have to confess that I wasn't going to share these photos because of my vanity. 

My one regret of my youth is being chicken so in my 40s I've decided I have to push myself. To put myself out there, flaws and all. My arms and thighs are a little jiggly and I have a small belly. I still bite my nails which does not help my veiny old lady hands. And let's not even start with my scarred knees and stretch marks...but for now this is who I am. I'm guessing I'm not as small as I'd like because I skip a workout or two here or there and my eating is a little out of control. I've seen so many mommies transform their bodies that I know I can do it too. I'm already halfway there. I'll finish when I'm ready. 

Like a lot of women, I have body and food issues. Even when I was a size 2 I remember being critical of my figure. As a child I was a stick figure and everyone tried to feed me. I was bribed to eat (usually with clothing or sweets) and ultimately developed terrible eating habits. Now as a mother I never force my kids to finish their plates because I find that most children have the ability to self regulate and will eat when they are hungry. I was lucky. I had an amazing metabolism and could pack away a ton of food and not gain any weight. I'd always been a bit of a tomboy and pretty active. Plus I was naturally fidgety and to this day I'd rather stand than sit. I went to an all girls private school and I think there were only 58 girls in my graduating class. Without the pressure of boys we wore shapeless clothing (it was the style in the 90s), no makeup, and baked Duncan Hines cakes for each others birthdays - and demolished them using just our fingers as utensils.

As the oldest girl in a family with seven kids I craved my independence. Every summer I headed upstate with some friends to work as a camp counselor at bungalow colonies (think dirty dancing but with Hasidim) and that was really my first exposure to boys. Finally I landed a gig at a more modern place and my naive skirt-wearing friends and I met this new breed of girl who primped, wore pants and actually talked to boys. Suddenly the pressure to be thin and pretty was on. We were fish out of water. We hid in out rooms too afraid to speak to boys, and when the boys came out with their ratings I somehow landed at the bottom. I'm thinking my shyness and lack of boobs did me in. Luckily I had just enough self esteem to realize how stupid those boys were. However, that summer I developed a terrible daily diet of a single bagel (back when carbs weren't a dirty word) and several Diet Cokes. I also air popped popcorn for a snack on occasion. That was the first time in my life that I danced in front of the mirror and loved how thin I looked. Everything fit - and that was a great feeling. My best friend started getting on my case (partially for hoarding all the soda) and eventually my love of food returned and things went back to normal.

After high school I went abroad to an all girls seminary for the year. All my closest friends stayed behind and it was the first time in my life I was really on my own. I had a few acquaintances and I made some friends but I guess I was pretty lonely. Back then there were no cell phones or internet so I waited by the payphone every Sunday for a phone call from my parents and hand wrote long letters to friends and family back home. Sometimes I paid the school office to fax my letters back home.

These new girls that I met were a lot more sophisticated - they had designer wardrobes, boyfriends, got manicures, went to the gym and seemed to exist on a steady diet of fro-yo. Again, this is back when candy and Twizzlers were still considered diet food. In an effort to fit in I joined a gym for the first time in my life. I figured as long as it was paid for I was gonna make the most of it. I hit the gym for 2-3 hours a day, 6 days a week. I took one or two toning or aerobic classes and followed with some weights, the bike and antiquated step machines. I don't think the elliptical was even invented yet. I remember one of those rail thin girls looking over my shoulder at the scale shocked that I weighed 121 lbs. All these girls seemed to weigh less than 100 and at that point other than my shapely behind, I was just as thin as they were.

I should mention that the school fed us three meals a day plus snack time. For a while they pulled snack because some girls were complaining they were gaining too much weight. Lets just say there was rioting and snack was returned to us. I started noticing the skinny girls snacking on celery sticks and carrots so I started waking up early to beat out the anorexics who would swipe all the veggies from the breakfast platters. I came down at 6 am with my Tupperware and filled it up with carrots and cucumber sticks for the day. I have to say I loved the control. I loved the self discipline of working out and measuring what I ate. I even made one of my new friends my food police - she would question me when I took a second portion. It was actually helpful to have someone to be accountable to.

When I came home my friends looked at me in horror. I had zero fat on my body. I really didn't know what the fuss was about because I still had my butt and my thighs touched at the top. It was the pre J-Lo and Kardashian era so I had a hard time finding clothing to fit over my derriere. Kate Moss was the model of the moment and nobody had curves unless they were plus-size. Back in high school our baggy clothing covered everything up. It was in my twenties that I finally learned how to dress for my shape. I had finally started developing my own sense of style. And it's when I really learned how to shop. As a Jersey girl I first discovered European designers at the now defunct Daffy Dan's (later shortened to Daffy's). When I studied at FIT I popped in to Loehmann's (also closed) just down the block or I'd subway down to Century 21 between classes. Then I discovered sample sales. My addiction to food slowly turned to my addiction to clothing. When I got my first job I suddenly had tons of money to feed my new addiction. I could walk into Barneys and buy anything I wanted. Truthfully I only did that once because the next year when I spotted one of my full priced suits at Daffy's, I swore to never pay retail again.

When I hit 25 I first noticed my metabolism started to slow down. I used to be able to drop 10 lbs in a week if I needed. All of a sudden I said "huh?" My weight would fluctuate between 125-130 for most of my twenties. When I got married at 28 I was 123 lbs. and my dress hung on me because I dropped some weight due to pre-wedding stress. My husband was able to span my waist with his hands because I was so tiny. He does have big hands though.

For all my insecurities, there were always things that I liked about my body. My long skinny legs, my blonde hair, my tiny waist...and by 30 I learned to live with my big butt so that no longer was a challenge. Then after I had my kids my body changed. My first pregnancy was great - I only gained 21 lbs and looked super cute. My B- cup became D+, I had a glow, and I had a killer maternity wardrobe. I was 31 and my body bounced right back. It was with each subsequent pregnancy that bad things started happening. My feet got bigger and none of my shoes fit. Fat started sticking to my body in places it never had before. My hair started falling out. My tiny waist was nowhere to be found. I finally topped out at almost 200 lbs. After number three, I had to learn how to hide the 50 extra pounds I was carrying. People asked when was the baby due for years after my youngest was born. It did get me bathroom privileges and many a subway seat but I wanted my body back. I was miserable.

I took back my life when I walked into Target and purchased a new Blu-ray/DVD player and a copy of Jillian Michael's 90 Day Body Revolution. I forced myself to do the workout every day. Let's just say, if I ever have to hear her call me "sweetie" one more time I'm gonna punch her in the face. I moved on to Shaun T with Hip Hop Abs and he made me laugh so much I started T25. I kept at it and eventually I was able to fit sample sizes again. Three years later I'm still doing it - but now I just do the Gamma cycle because Alpha and Beta are too easy. I'm waiting for my brother to give me Cize already so I can do something new.

I know that everyone talks about self acceptance and every body is beautiful, but every day is a struggle for me. I wish I was smaller. I worry about eating too much. I worry about eating too little. I still have to force myself to workout most days. Sometimes I go shopping just to keep me from overeating. Luckily penny hunting and window shopping keeps me from going broke. Personal shopping has also been a great outlet because I get to do something I'm really good at - for other people, with other people's money :)

So that's me in a nutshell. Probably more than you expected from this post LOL. I guess I want my message to be that behind every picture there's a real story and possibly a real struggle. I didn't want to share this look because I hate the way I look in this dress. I know I'm not fat but I don't feel that skinny anymore - and for years skinny was my identity. I also suspect that I'm 5 lbs heavier than these pics right now, but this is me taking my first step forward after taking a few back. I will be brave. I will be strong. I don't have to be the skinniest, or prettiest, I just have to be me. I spent my 30s in hiding and I don't want to hide anymore. So in full disclosure I'm gonna share that I currently weigh 159 lbs and wear a size 6. Sometimes a 4, sometimes an 8. Like I said, I've always weighed 20 lbs. heavier than I look.

Thanks for reading. I figure by getting my story out there, other people who are struggling will know that they are not alone. Right now I'm gonna take a deep breath and hit publish.

Now that that's out of the way I'll get back to work on the blog sale :)

XOXO
Shoppinggal